The Long Row
Before we can enjoy the produce of the garden, we need to first cultivate it. We have to pick up the hoe and get to work. Sometimes the work goes quickly and easily, and other times the ground is hard and the row is long. We have “a long row to hoe.” Life has many of these, and we usually don’t like them very much.
How do you hoe the long row? That’s the question. Do you ignore your thirst and aching back and just go for broke? Do you give up? How do you deal with a grueling or challenging task in your life? We all have them. It may be earning a degree, dealing with a lawsuit, or working three jobs to inch our way out of debt.
Our ability to meet the challenge and to do so skillfully is a mark of maturity. I am talking here about the ability to persist, to keep going without the comforts you’ve come to rely on and without someone to hold your hand. To work hard without whining or feeling sorry for yourself. And to do this without becoming steely and hardened. To be bent over under a hot sun and still stay sensitive to your own needs and flow.
To do that gracefully you have to be able to accept your lot, without thinking that it is somehow unfair. Part of the Buddha’s wisdom was to see the universality of suffering. God is not picking on you. We all suffer in different ways. Often when we hear of another’s success, we wonder why everything seems to work for that person and not for us. But we’re not seeing the sacrifice, the hidden hardships, the price that is always there. Holding on to lopsided perceptions like these makes us feel deprived and resentful. We’re pouting, really. Pouting and thinking things should be different.
Buddhist teachers like Charlotte Joko Beck talk about this theme a lot. Life involves struggle and discomfort and to expect otherwise is to create unnecessary suffering for yourself. Life is not like grade school where you get a star for being responsible. Sometimes you don’t get anything but more responsibility.
When you know how to really get behind yourself, you can keep going without the gold stars. Yes, the work can be grueling, but you are heartened by your ability to meet the challenge. You are grateful for your strength, fulfilled by your capacity. Because you respect yourself and are attentive to your needs, you treat yourself well. That doesn’t mean the endless parade of pleasures that some imagine. When you are treating yourself well, you don’t need constant treats, because you recognize it each time you do something out of respect for yourself—whether that’s resting, buying a better pair of glasses, or eating nourishing food. It’s not a starve-and-binge type cycle where you muscle your way through a situation by becoming impervious to your needs and then do something extravagant to soothe yourself. You’re taking care of yourself each step of the way. That’s pretty important when you have a long row.
