The Magic of Healing
Psychotherapy is one of those things we've tried to dissect and analyze, looking for the secret elixir that makes it work. Outcome research has studied client factors, therapist factors, and how well different therapeutic modalities work. One of the most important elements is the mental health of the practitioner and the relationship between client and therapist. It's like what kind of growing solution you plant a seed in. When that is working, then healing seems to happen quite organically. It is the nature of life to move to a higher order of functioning, given the right conditions.
Although I am focusing on psychotherapy here, this principle is not limited to therapy. I can also reflect on my healing journey with my naturopath over the last several years and how the body slowly builds higher and higher levels of health given the right support.
Often we don't notice the incremental growth that is going on under the surface until we suddenly find ourselves functioning from a higher level of health and stability. I've seen this many times in recent weeks with clients when problems we haven't specifically worked on seem to resolve on their own or a stubborn pattern suddenly yields and something new is born. I've seen it when hardship that would otherwise have led to collapse now ends up strengthening the person.
Most of my work with clients is "depth work," and I find an essential element of that growing solution is a kind of attunement and love. When we really know someone is with us it provides a lot of support. The holes in our bucket slowly get filled, and our capacity grows exponentially. What was earlier unimaginable shows up. It may be a new level of creativity or capacity to forgive or to love. Or simply the ability to go through a crisis and not dissociate.
In the therapy chapter of The Emotionally Absent Mother, I examine how providing what was missing in our original growing solution can help now.
This bonding [with the therapist] (which I reinforced internally) resulted, over time, in reorganizing my entire experience of myself and of life. It provided me the chance to experience the essential ingredients I had missed, which allowed my development to move ahead by leaps and bounds. Speaking about it later, I said the most important element in that therapy had been the fact that in a very tangible and real way I felt loved.
Seems like a pretty important nutrient!
There are always new techniques introduced in the therapy field, and therapists flock to seminars to find the latest magic bullet. Yet I don't think the magic comes from the techniques. The magic is simply the innate tendency to progress to a higher level of functioning given the right conditions. That's magic enough for me.
