A
Holistic Guide from a Licensed Therapist and Trauma Survivor
Overcoming
the shattering impacts of trauma is a hero’s journey. Here
is a book written in everyday language that describes the challenges
of coping with trauma, provides self-care tools, speaks frankly
about therapy and medications (as well as alternatives), addresses
important spiritual issues, and offers hope. The author, a psychotherapist,
speaks here as someone who has taken the journey from helplessness
to mastery.
With
innovative insight into trauma-related difficulties, this book helps
you:
-
Understand trauma and its devastating impacts
-
Identify symptoms of trauma (dissociation, numbing, etc.) and
common mental health problems that stem from trauma
-
Manage traumatic reactions and memories that arise
- Create
a more balanced life that supports your recovery
- Select
appropriate interventions (therapies, self-help groups, medications
and alternatives)
- Recognize
how far you’ve come in your healing and what you need to
keep growing.
Complete
with exercises, healing stories, points to remember, and resources,
this is a perfect companion for anyone seeking to reclaim their
life from the devastating impacts of trauma.
What
Others Say
Table of Contents
Excerpts
Author Q & A
"What
a gift! Survivors will cherish this book, which is the best I’ve
seen on the subject in years. It is reassuring, practical, thorough,
accurate, and beautifully written. But most importantly, it is filled
with hope. Healing from Trauma is going to the top of Sidran’s
recommended reading list."
-- Esther Giller, M.A., President, Sidran Traumatic Stress Institute
“It
takes a special kind of talent to make complex information clear
and useable without talking down to a reader, and Jasmin Cori has
pulled this off in spades. Her discussion of how to interpret symptoms,
find a good therapist, and explore various therapies without inviting
reactivation and flooding is a tour de force of sensitivity, insider
knowledge, brevity and clarity. This goes on my ‘Highly Recommended’
list immediately!”
—Belleruth Naparstek, LISW, author of Invisible Heroes:
Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal and creator of the Health
Journeys guided imagery audio series
“At
last, someone wrote the book that trauma survivors want and need!
A marvel of intelligence, insight and compassion….Cori seamlessly
melds the strength of a survivor/thriver, the skill of a clinician,
and the clarity of a gifted writer.”
Kathleen Adams, LPC, Director, Center for Journal Therapy and author,
The Way of the Journal
More
Endorsements
Reviews
Table
of Contents
Foreword
by Robert C. Scaer, MD
Introduction:
A Trauma Book for Those in the Trenches
1.
Shit Happens
What Is Trauma?
Why Do Some People Suffer More Than Others?
Hidden Traumas
Identifying Your Traumas (Exercise)
Will It Always Be Like This?
Two Kinds of Suffering
Ten Points to Remember
2.
It’s a Body Thing
What Happens in Trauma?
Caught in Lower Brain Centers
Under the Influence
Taking Back the Control Room
Resilience
Getting the Traction to Move On
Ten Points to Remember
3.
The Footprints of Trauma
Tracks in the Body
Sensitivities
Triggers, Triggers Everywhere
The Lion, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man
Not All Here (Dissociation)
I Can’t Think!
Turned to Stone (Numbing)
Amnesia, Flashbacks, and Fragmented Memory
Insomnia
Intrusive Thoughts and Images
Self-Injuring Behaviors
Guilty without Charge
Living in a Broom Closet
Ruptured Boundaries
Relationship Patterns
Feeling Broken
Alone in an Uncaring World
Ten Points to Remember
4.
Trauma-Related Disorders
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Acute Stress Disorder
Depression
Anxiety Disorders
Addictions
Eating Disorders
Dissociative Disorders
Borderline Personality
Physical Diseases Related to Trauma
Casualties of Trauma
Two Cocoons
Exploring Your Cocoon (Exercise)
Ten Points to Remember
5.
The Journey of Healing
Kelly’s Story: A Hard-Won Self
Basic Requirements for the Journey
A Deliberate Curriculum
The Tasks of Healing
Personal Resources
Assessing Your Resources (Exercise)
The Spiral of Healing
Jana’s Story: The Importance of Deep Listening
The Drive for Completion
Realigning with Your Wholeness
Each Path Is Unique
Ten Points to Remember
6.
How to Choose the Right Helpers
Sharing Your Trauma History
Things to Consider When Working with Health Practitioners
Is Psychotherapy for Me? How Long Will It Take?
Choosing the Right Therapist
Wounded and Wounding Healers
When Is It Appropriate to Change Therapists?
Can I Heal without Psychotherapy?
Ten Points to Remember
7.
Selecting Your Interventions
Containment versus Catharsis
EMDR and Alternating Bilateral Stimulation (ABS)
Point Therapies
The TARA Approach for the Resolution of Shock and Trauma
Somatic Therapies (Somatic Experiencing and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy)
Hands-On Therapies for Trauma
Imagery-Based Therapies
Corrective Experiences
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Changing Experience through a Pattern Interrupt
Help from Peers
Residential Treatment Programs
Medications and Natural Alternatives
The Decisions Are Yours
Ten Points to Remember
8.
Tools for Dealing with Trauma
Slowing Down the Process
Keeping One Foot on Solid Ground
Grounding
Finding Your Rock
Controlling Your Arousal Level
Learning to Self-Soothe
Accepting Comfort from Another Person
Seeing Options
The Three S’s: Stop, Soothe, Support (An Antidote for Hyperarousal)
The Three R’s: Refocus, Reconnect, Reenter (An Antidote
for Dissociation)
The Control Button
Ten Points to Remember
9.
Tools for Living
Your Job as Manager
Becoming a Fierce Protector and Advocate for Yourself
Supportive Life Structures
Knowing Your Medicine
Nurturing Self-Talk
Gaining Control of Your Mind
Objectivity
Strengthening Boundaries
Cultivating a Friendly Relationship with Your Body
Humor
Journaling
Creativity and Self-Expression
The Gifts of Nature
Snuggling Up to the World
The Best Revenge Is a Happy Life
Ten Points to Remember
10.
Spiritual Issues
Why Did God Let This Happen?
An Earnest Search
Hidden Gifts
What Spiritual Life Has to Offer
The Transcendence Trap
Expansion and Contraction
What’s Suffering Got to Do with It?
Accepting Life as It Is
An Integrated Spirituality
Terry’s Story: Toward an Integrated Spirituality
Ten Points to Remember
11.
Ain’t Broke No More
Surviving or Thriving?
Signs of Healing
Signs of Wholeness
A New Me
Coming Home
Robert’s Story: War No More
It’s Never Too Late for a Little Happiness
Ten Points to Remember
12.
My Story
Ten
Points to Remember
Appendix: Bodywork Therapies
Notes
Glossary
Resources
Index
Chapter
1: Shit Happens (excerpt)
All
of us reading this book know what a few still try to deny: shit
happens. And it happens to us.
It happens when a loved one dies a sudden and violent death, when
a child is molested, when you’re sent off to war and learn
to kill or watch others be maimed and killed. It happens when an
accident changes the shape of your life, in one fell swoop smashing
your dreams forever. It happens when vigilantes burn down your church
or someone savagely beats you for being queer. When being the wrong
color or wrong religion can make you scared for your life. When
the levees break. When the plane goes down. Every time someone is
raped.
Shit happens not just with evil strangers and natural disasters,
but also within our own families. It happens when a parent gets
drunk and beats a child. It happens when a caretaker or sibling
crosses boundaries, messing with your mind, betraying your trust.
It happens in all kinds of ways and under all kinds of cover. Even
in the name of love.
I wish I could tell you something different, but you know this is
true. You know it from your own experience. It’s not what
any of us wanted. Oh, how we wish we lived in a safe, cozy world.
It’s just that we don’t.
What
Is Trauma?
These bad things that happen have the kind of wallop that they do
because of their traumatic nature. It will help you understand these
impacts if you learn more about trauma.
First you need to understand that trauma is by nature terrifying
and completely overwhelming. Something is happening that you can’t
control, and it feels big enough to destroy you. In fact, your awareness
that you are endangered is an essential ingredient of trauma. It
is the perception of a direct threat to your life, well-being, or
sanity that marks trauma. Freud recognized this when he said that
in trauma a person feels completely helpless and ineffective in
the face of what is perceived to be overwhelming danger.
This is the basic understanding of most of those studying trauma
today and of the mental health community. Author Maggie Scarf provided
a useful distinction when she said there are “big-T traumas”
and “little-t traumas.” Big-T traumas are what I just
described. Little-t traumas may not be life threatening (certainly
not from the outside) or as horrifying as the usual list of qualifying
traumas (such as war, torture, sexual abuse, physical attack, life-threatening
accidents, natural disasters), but they can be totally disruptive
and destructive. They are the kinds of events that are disqualified
when diagnosing Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) because they
are more common and not as universally traumatizing, yet they are
seriously traumatizing to some people. Examples include divorce,
major betrayal, loss of job or business, and accidents that are
not life threatening. Because such events may lead to symptoms and
needs that are similar to those in the big-T traumas, this book
will be relevant to many with this history.
Chapter 11: Ain't Broke No More (excerpt)
It’s Never Too Late for a Little Happiness
When a person is lost in trauma, life is experienced in somber tones.
We know all too well the suffering of life and feel that fun is
somehow for others. The deeply branded imprint of the bad that has
happened and the struggle with trauma symptoms and survival needs
tend to leave little room for enjoyment.
As we heal, the situation changes. We may have a little time and
energy to spare (shock!), and doing something just for pleasure
enters the realm of possibility. Maybe you’ve always made
time for pleasure. But if you haven’t, welcome to another
aspect of the world. It’s okay to have fun. It’s okay
to enjoy yourself. It’s okay to let go of others’ suffering
as well as your own and for a little time be “selfish.”
Actually it’s not selfish; it’s self-regenerating. It’s
a very important human capacity that helps keep us alive. Enjoyment
might be considered essential nourishment for our being. And when
you heal, this nourishment is more available to you. It’s
part of the prize for going through all that work.
It might help to understand more of the mechanism behind this. Often
if we’re dealing with really big stuff (either consciously
or unconsciously), our daily life doesn’t follow a workable
rhythm but rather is constantly thrown off by pressing needs, dramas,
unexpected twists and turns, and managing our symptoms. As we resolve
the underlying issues and learn to self-regulate our biology, our
life gradually falls into line. Maybe for the first time, we are
willing to plan social and recreational activities in advance, no
longer worried about unexpected emotional storms or urgent needs
preempting them. To be able to look forward to and count on rewarding
activities is important, a way of saying that our pleasure and happiness
count.
As the past falls away, you have energy for investing in activities
that never made the priority list. It may be keeping up with world
events (when drowning in your own emergencies, those of the world
may feel way too overwhelming), learning how to cook something other
than the basics, taking up a sport or hobby, enjoying more time
in nature, or taking on an exciting challenge; a million activities
that were not previously part of our repertoire become available.
-
Make a list of things that you want to enjoy in your post-trauma
life. Go ahead--let yourself think big. See if you can use this
as a motivation and not beat yourself up. Maybe there are parts
of this list that are already present and are important resources.
You
may have heard the line “It’s never too late for a happy
childhood.” This is especially appropriate for those who suffered
trauma in early childhood. When that child frozen in fear is at
last freed, he or she may have a lot of catching up to do. If you
can, please support this. Every child deserves some happiness. And
every adult, too.
When you are released from hell, you feel relief and gratitude.
(If you don’t, you haven’t gotten out.) As you resolve
trauma, you leave the world of nightmares that never end, of shattering
pain and screams caught in your throat, and you come out of the
darkness into a world that is shinier than you remembered, a world
where something has been restored, a world where you “ain’t
broke no more.” It’s time to celebrate.
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